Shae - Journey 2009
As I have been trying to write this blog, so many things have gone through my mind. I miss Kenya, I miss my friends from Invest, WOW, my life has been sooo different since two years ago, I don’t even know how to express how much God did while I was on Invest, and gosh.. GOD… YOU ARE AWESOME. I could sit here and tell you all how amazing Invest was (because it was AMAZING) but that was just the start of my journey to where I am now. When I left Invest two years ago, my life took a turn that I was not expecting. I transferred to a major public University in Indiana and let’s just say; I started living a double life. I started school as a girl who was scared, alone, confused, missing Africa, and very insecure. Right before I left for school, my boyfriend broke up with me, my family and I weren’t as close, my mom was sick, I wanted to be in Kenya, and I really didn’t have any friends at this new school. God made it clear to me that this college was my mission field for the next three years, but at this point, I just didn’t want to feel alone. I struggle with being a people pleaser and because of that, I made friends in many different places. From parties, to CRU, to girls in my dorm…. yup, I started to have a lot of friends but as always, that was not enough. I was still in love with God, but at that time, I didn’t believe that He could truly be my everything and I was already sucked into this world of party, lust, boys, selfishness, and not feeling worthy enough. I also felt a lot of shame and started to hate myself for everything I have been doing. During this time though, God was faithful. He started showing me my passions and gave me amazing professors who believed in me and what I wanted to do. He gave me an even greater desire to pursue my goal of wanting to help victims of sex trafficking and slowly started putting people in my life that were a greater influence and I didn’t even know it. The following summer I wanted to go back to Kenya so badly, but God had plans for me at home. I started serving at a restaurant and became really involved with my college small group. These girls and I journeyed through the lies that we have been feeding ourselves and the insecurities that we let control us. It was hard, yet so beautiful, to be open and honest with these girls in the areas that I struggle. I started to become more vulnerable and admitting to my sins that I have kept so down deep in my heart because I was afraid of judgment from them. I learned what it meant to have my Father love me and pursue me in beautiful way. I felt new..I felt freedom.. I felt loved… I was redeemed. I am not longer buying into the lie that I am a sinner but rather, that I am a Saint. I learned that my sins do not define who I am but that I am a Christ Follower and for once I believed it in my heart. Shortly after that I got the chance to travel to Southeast Asia where I got my first experience working with woman and children trapped in this lifestyle of prostitution and human trafficking. God showed me a purpose and even better, told me I would be going back to Africa. This past summer, I got the privilege to live in a rescue home for girls coming out of prostitution and spend my summer with 45+ children in Mozambique. God has given me a passion for those who have no one to hear their cries, girls forced into prostitution, girls who hate themselves, girls who are so poor that they sell their bodies to buy some rice. These beautiful and amazing girls are the people who God has given me a desire to serve and love. He has given me a passion for my campus and those who are lost and looking for love in the wrong places. A passion to travel the world and see what is going on to my brothers and sisters overseas. I have gone to three other countries since Kenya and God has been given me a desire to go back to Africa and my heart smiles every time I think about this. He also has given me a vision to open a rescue home in Africa for girls coming out of prostitution. Me!!!! A twenty-two year old girl who still struggles with abandonment from my parents not wanting me, boys, the typical college lifestyle, insecurities, but I am grateful that my God still sees me as Beautiful. THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE sees me as faultless, lovely, and worthy. I am humbled to serve the God I serve, humbled for the opportunities He has given me, and excited for the Journey He continues to lead me on; even when I mess up or lose track of him. This year I am a senior and it will be my last year! (WOOT WOOT). I have been asked to be on the servant team here with CRU leading a small group in the dorms with another girl and I am so pumped about this. I have also been able to educate people on what sex trafficking is, and be an advocate on my campus for this population. I am graduating in May and I have no idea what I am going to do after that, and for once, I am okay with that. Wow, reading through this, I just have to Praise Jesus for bringing me out of the darkness and giving me new life. GOD, you are an AWESOME God.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14